“Your illness does not define you, your strength and courage does.” This quote resonates deeply with me.
You are strong, resilient, and capable of achieving incredible things, never forget that. As a sickle cell warrior of many years, I understand the doubts and fears so many warriors harbor about being loved and accepted, but experience has proven to me that there is so much love out there waiting to be poured on you regardless. I once thought that my limitations as a sickle cell warrior would prevent me from finding love and acceptance. The world seemed to have set boundaries for me, but I refused to let those boundaries define my worth. I chose to love and accept myself, flaws and all, and that changed everything.
While growing up, I was blessed with parents who loved me unconditionally. They showed me what real love was all about. I was never discriminated against, even when it came to giving me opportunities I needed in life to thrive and become who I was meant to be. They encouraged me, allowed me to spread my wings and fly as high as I could, and they keenly watched out for me to support me anytime I needed help. They sent me to a boarding school which at the time was the vogue. At that time, there was this general belief that children who went to boarding schools did better than those who did not. Growing up, I remember having this growing desire to achieve and be seen as a “normal human being” not as someone with a disability. I wanted to be heard and valued, to do all the normal stuff my peers were doing.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with “achieving” and all these desires I had, but when your focus is on achieving and you neglect the understanding of your God-given strengths and abilities, that’s where the problem lies. Parents and caregivers of sickle cell warriors must have this understanding as a bedrock for dealing with them. There should be no basis for comparisons here, not even with their siblings, friends or neighbors whose genotypes are AA or AS.
I have found that physical strength and energy is normally not one of the strengths of a sickle cell warrior. Since our C-shaped oxygen carrying blood cells, the red blood cells, die every 20 days compared to the normal 120 days of a normal round-shaped red blood cell. This mounts undue pressure on the bone marrow to produce more cells but at short intervals, the bone marrow can’t cope with that, leaving the warrior permanently anemic and depleted of physical energy.That’s why it’s important to supplement with natural blood sources or nutrients that can help the bone marrow to produce more blood. More about this in my next blog.
On the other hand, warriors have a great deal of inner strength, and are among those with the most beautiful hearts around the world. They have bouts of compassion for the suffering because they have been through incessant unimaginable pains that have forever changed their perceptions about those who suffer. It is also a fact that sickle cell warriors are very intelligent people and excel both academically and intellectually in their various fields of endeavors.
When a warrior gets to know God and connects to the Divine, he / she becomes exceptional. There’s something about connecting with your creator. You are able to draw energy, power and strength that helps you weather any storm. God is All-Powerful and He promises to give you this power and strength.
“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:29-31
As a warrior, you can leverage on these inner strengths and never feel compelled to fit into the molds people have designed for you.
However, knowing and acknowledging your limitations is important. Don’t strive to do everything. You can’t do everything, and no one can. God made each of us different and gave us different gifts and talents:
“Thou hast received gifts for men; Yea, for the rebellious also, that the Lord GOD might dwell among them.” Psalm 68:18 KJV
Our not being able to climb heights, lift heavy weights, run marathons is not a weakness or a sign of laziness. A fish’s inability to fly like a bird is not a sign of laziness or weakness, it’s a sign of fulfilling purpose. Don’t try to push beyond your limits, you may break down. Take it easy. Be kind to yourself. You have too many people against you, don’t join them against you. Don’t let people turn you into a bird when you’re meant to be a fish. Always know who you are, what you can do and what you cannot.
Facing rejection and judgment are so real with sickle cell disease. Sometimes, people care less about whatever is going on with you, and I think everyone faces this in some form in life. At such times, your strength would barely carry you and if care is not taken, you may withdraw to your shell and be depressed or suffer a crisis as a result of the emotional stress. I faced this with some co-workers at some places where I worked as a nurse. I once told a co-worker who kept fussing about my being paid more than her despite my many hours of being away from work because of ill health that, “if the hardest workers receive the highest pay, then wheelbarrow pushers would definitely be the richest people on earth”.
Yes, you don’t have to keep quiet when you are victimized because of your health. Come to think of it, we are all creations of the same God. God made the weak as well as the strong. You never bargained to be born a sickler. And since this is no fault of yours, never let people demean you nor your loved one(s) while you watch . Attack, they say, is the best defense. Don’t let people assume all manner of things about you or your loved one(s) that are not true. Be proactive.
Let people in concern – your employers, co-workers, children’s school teachers- know your/ their health status. knowledge brings understanding that fosters your getting the help you need. I remember my dad always telling my head teachers in all the schools I went to about my health issues. This made me to be exempted from the compulsory morning function (the daily cleaning chores) and the corporal punishments imposed on defaulting students. When other students are being punished to kneel down or given 3 to 5 strokes of the cane, I was always exempted. I didn’t quite understand what my dad did for me at the time but it relieved me of additional stress in all the schools I attended up until my nursing school. After I got married, my husband took over.
At one of the places I worked as a nurse, my husband had to confront a particular co-worker who made life unbearable for me. she would taunt, harass and tell everyone how lazy I was since I couldn’t be at work all the times I was supposed to because of my health issues. For SS warriors, health deteriorates with increasing stress both physical and emotional. Nursing work is generally hectic, but worse in some units of the hospital. With the increasing patient demands in my department, it was difficult for me to cope and coupled with the fact that I was a mother to two young children and still giving birth. So I had crisis quite often and missed work. I was grappling with my health and at the same time trying to fulfill the obligations of my employment but most of the time not meeting up. In spite of that, God was so faithful to make my impact count; all my patients loved me and were always looking forward to seeing me and having me care for them when they attended the hospital. Even before my boses, God gave me favor which made them send me on courses and conferences within and outside Nigeria often.
I however did realize that the key to my freedom was self-love and acceptance of who I am. I had to understand that I’m differently-abled. Understanding my uniqueness, strengths and limitations were key to my living a happy life, pursuing my goals and purpose in life.
Also, focus on your dreams.
The limitations imposed on warriors by the nature of our illness do not define our potential. God is an Impossibility Specialist, and with faith and determination, you can surmount any problems that you face. When I graduated from secondary school (high school), my parents thought I would be better off as a nurse to enable me better care for myself. They encouraged and supported me throughout nursing school and despite my challenges, I gave my all to education and the rigors of nursing school, and became the nurse they wanted me to be. Although, if given the choice then, I wouldn’t have chosen nursing but I like it now that I’ve become one, and I am still working hard to be the best version of myself, pursuing my passion. There were times I had severe crises and would miss school for days, but I kept my hopes and determination up and never quitted pursuing my dreams.
I also met the love of my life. In nursing school, I had just turned 18, when I met Paul, my wonderful husband. To be candid, I don’t know what life would’ve been for me without Paul. He loves me as himself. I feel so blessed having him in my life. He was a new intern from medical school at the mission hospital where I trained, and it was love at first sight. You can read more about our story here: Martha’s story & Paul’s story.
When you have loved and accepted who you are, it’s easier to accept love from other people. Embracing self-love and acceptance is the foundation for attracting love into your life. When you love and accept yourself, you radiate confidence and positive energy, making you more attractive to others.
Remember, finding true love begins within – cherish your uniqueness, embrace your flaws, and be kind to yourself. You have so many people against you. You don’t have to join them in fighting you. As you cultivate self-love, you’ll discover that the right person/ peaople will love and appreciate you for who you are, creating a deep and authentic connection. Love yourself first, and love will naturally find its way to you.
Don’t let others’ opinions shape your perception of yourself. Instead, embrace your flaws and let them become stepping stones to success. Push yourself beyond the life-challenging limits and believe in your abilities. God has given us strength and resilience, and we can use them to achieve greatness. Trust that there are people out there who will appreciate you and accept you with open arms. Embrace your true self, be productive, and follow your passions. You are capable of achieving your dreams and finding love.
To all those facing life challenges, I am rooting for you. You shall overcome. Have faith, stay strong, and keep pushing forward. The world is waiting to witness your greatness.
